Me, basically pretend-blogging. Actually wine-drinking.

Welcome to my blog!

There is also a list of previous AND upcoming blogs.

So you always have something to look forward to. You're welcome.

But first, enjoy this bit of ironic truth:

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"These A**holes are Driving me Crazy!" (Or, How to Handle Passive-Aggressive People)

First, watch this. You're welcome.
Let's all agree that our girl Kristen has got the passive-aggressive crap DOWN. Humor aside, the truth is that people who are passive in expression but aggressive in intent can be, at best, annoying; at worst, pull-your-hair-out crazy-making. 
The P-A person is never going to come right out and say what it is they want but they will show it through their (infuriating) behavior. They will use sarcasm, derision, non-funny/insulting “jokes,” mutter under their breath, slam doors, and say, “I’m not mad!” while glaring right at us, all to avoid simply saying what they really want, think and feel. Well, good news. There is a solution, almost elegant in its simplicity. And it is something you can start now. Today. No, don't punch them in the face. What you do is:

Pay attention, and react, only to the words they say. Ignore everything else: body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, eye rolls, sighs, all of it.

Whaaaat? No way! It cannot be that easy! 

I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m saying it is simple. And it is the ONLY way to handle people who make you crazy without going crazy yourself.

How does this look in reality? If the P-A person says, “go ahead and head to the bar, I’ll be fine here by myself…” but you know they don’t mean it, what do you do?  You calmly, sweetly, say, “okay, bye” and you get up leave. Don’t ask if they “mean it.” Don’t make sure they’re “going to be okay.” And for the love of Pete don’t pick a fight about it or top-spin lob the passive-aggressive volley over the net back at them. 

Why do this? Because P-A people won’t own their s**t. Ever. Direct confrontation isn’t in their DNA, and they are also incapable of stating what it is they really feel or want. 

What if they get mad. you ask. What if they stomp their feet, send ugly text messages, or don't speak to you for days? Hon, your sign is right there: get out. The behavior has become abusive. And if they person is a relationship of circumstance, not choice (like your mama or in-laws), you gotta settle in. Let them be angry. You cannot control their feelings. (Check back here for advice on dealing with controlling people.)

The best part is that once we do this, we get to stop mind-reading, guessing wrong and then paying a price for it. We get to have a rational, adult conversation or even conflict, or no conversation at all. And maybe, just maybe, the P-A person will learn that they had better say what they mean and mean what they say, or they won’t say anything at all. At least not to us.

Until then, we'll be at the bar.

-VV

Welcome to my dream! Also known as the Veracious Voyager blog!

  Me, leaning against a wall. on the floor. not sure why.

Me, leaning against a wall. on the floor. not sure why.

Hello, Voyagers!

Welcome to the VV blog! I am so happy that you're here, and for the chance to share with whole, wide world (or whoever the hell is reading this besides you and me and my mom) all of the interpersonal communication lessons I got paid big bucks to teach (by "big bucks" I mean, a community college salary). This way I can still teach, offer y'all advice, and in general spout my HSO's* about just about anything, like speakerphones in public.

This is the place for you if you want to learn about becoming more confident, having your voice heard in your relationships, or getting along with just about anyone, even at Thanksgiving dinner, and without hiding out from your in-laws in your man cave.

Maybe you just want to know where to travel for the most singular experience in the USA (Yellowstone) or outside the USA (Bali). Wondering what's the best waterproof eyeliner? (Depending on your needs, it's a 3-way tie between MAC, Kat Von D and...oh, you'll have to come back here to find out.) Where to get the best bras? (Target. Yes, Target.) Alongside solutions to passive-aggressive people, you'll find tips here on the best high-rise jeans (starting with H&M) and the biggest wastes of money or splurges you should GO. GET. RIGHT. F-ing. NOW. You'll really want to come back for a list of "Things That Make Me Itch." It includes the phrase "man cave."

I am excited to tell you the fashion & beauty ideas, hacks, and products I've been loving, and have you along for my travels & adventures. And along the way I'll be sure and tell you about the time I unintentionally ended up in Australia, the night a perfect stranger climbed into my car at a Dallas 7-11, and how I landed on a national TV show (twice) when it wasn't even my idea. There's those damn pickpockets (who tried and epic-failed to get our stuff!) in Lisbon, an "outdoor shower" in Fiji that I used for a while before realizing it wasn't actually an outdoor shower, and when I acted like a total jackass when I met Keith Urban, but not for the reason you'd think. Plus, we may or may not have inadvertently adopted a Maine Coon kitty cat, who is just the coolest. thing. ever. "I'm not a cat person" you say? Hon, Harper has been converting all y'all since 2017.

And of course there's the time I accidentally climbed 6 miles to the top of a mountain in grizzly country with no bear spray, during the rain, wearing silly (but soooo cute) Coach sneakers, all because a smoke-jumper named Mongo said it was an easy 3 mile hike.

This is gonna be fun. Come with me.

Love,

VV


*HSO's are "Hot Sports" opinions on any and all things, not just sports. I will warn you, this blog will use the language of The Ticket. So, if you ever wonder, WTF is she saying? Is that English? Just remind yourself, ah, yes, she's using Ticketspeak. Their language and "drops" are everywhere, even on national TV